


A Christmas When You Were Mine

by TazWren



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Fluff, Concussions, F/M, Hospitals, Mild Smut, Mildly Dubious Consent, Neighbours AU, Reylo - Freeform, Secret Crush, Strangers to Lovers, SwoloFic, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 09:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17139338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TazWren/pseuds/TazWren
Summary: Rey harbours a seemingly hopeless crush on her neighbour, until the day she lands him in the hospital and has to deal with what comes next.





	1. Everything I Want Is Miles Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RogueCompanion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogueCompanion/gifts).



> Titles inspired by Taylor Swift's 'Christmases When You Were Mine'

                                                      

It was that time of year when everyone had family, traditions, friends and cosy afternoons. And presents! Everyone except Rey, for she had nobody. That did not stop her, however, from being determined to enjoy her Christmas break, friends or no friends, family or no family. 

So it was that she wrangled a little cedar in a pot, one of the last, neglected, unwanted ones from the lot, one she felt sorry for — it was as alone as she was.

Rey bought herself a nice cosy, plaid pyjama set, one she had been eyeing for a long time, and wrapped it up to place under her tree, so she'd have something to open on Christmas morning. She also wrapped another gift, a silly, futile one, but one that fed her fancy - a matching pair of men's nightwear, for the man she would never get. 

For Rey harboured a silent, desperate crush on her downstairs neighbour. He had taken her breath away the first time she saw him, literally running into him as she burst about of the lift, late for her shift at the gallery. As she bounced off a broad, warm chest, she had an impression of a tall, brick house of a man, with a shock of black hair, beautiful whiskey eyes, wrapped in fine clothing. Muttering her mortified apologies, she scampered away, but not before casting a glance backwards at him. From that day on, she tried her best to find ways to intersect him, but never quite worked up the nerve to speak to him.

She did manage to find out that he was almost always impeccably dressed, in suits that looked like they were tailored to fit his above-average frame. Even when dressed casually he wore tight jeans that showcased his taut behind almost as beautifully as his sweaters clung to his massive chest. When she heard it, she discovered that his deep baritone voice did things her, and his laugh definitely made her blood pressure shoot. And she found out his name. Kylo Ren.

For all that she was an energetic, positive, outgoing person normally, Rey now found herself reduced to a flustered, blubbering idiot whenever she encountered Kylo Ren. The few times he had politely greeted her, she had turned red and mumbled something incoherent before either busying herself with her mail or running out the building with a quick backward wave. Rey had no idea what was wrong with her, except that Kylo took away her ability to think, to breathe, to speak, to function like a normal adult! So it was that she remained a silent admirer, watching from afar, wanting a chance to get to know him, but knowing she would never work the nerve up for it.

Until, that is, the day she dropped a 5L jug of fabric conditioner on his head.

The lift was out of commission and she was trying to wrestle an armful of cleaning supplies up the stairs when the whole lot toppled out of her arms and over the bannisters. Rey watched in horror as they bounced off Kylo Ren, who was about to ascend the stairs below and looked up at the sound of her wretched cry. And watched as his eyes rolled back and he slipped bonelessly to the floor. 

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"

Rey flew down the stairs, dropping her remaining washing products on the floor, and rushed to Kylo's side, flitting her hands over him to check for any signs of injury, afraid to move him.

Having quickly called an ambulance and anxiously sitting with him while she waited, Rey rode with Kylo to the hospital, hanging tightly to his limp hand and praying hard that she hadn't managed to kill him. As the nurses in Casualty whipped him away to be assessed, Rey paced in the waiting room, wide-eyed and chewing at her fingernails - a nasty habit that reared its head whenever she was nervous or scared.

"Miss?"

She whipped around as the nurse stepped out of the cubicle and beckoned her.

"There's nothing to worry about, just a mild concussion and a superficial cut," the nurse reassured her as she walked Rey over to a curtained-off bed. "We've stitched him up but he needs to be kept here overnight for observation. Is there someone who can stay with him?"

Oh.

Rey had no idea if Kylo had someone. While she had never seen signs of a girlfriend or any family or even friends, but that didn't mean he didn't have any. Just that she knew nothing of his life and the people in it.

"Um..."

The nurse looked up at her with a frown. "Is there a problem?"

"Oh no! No, I...I can stay with him," Rey quickly ventured, not knowing what else to say.

"Good! Come over and get him registered, and we can have him moved to the ward."

Crap.

"Um, could I see him first please?" Rey asked as she performed some impressive mental contortions, trying to buy some time to figure out how to proceed.

The nurse waved her through the curtains with a smile,  warning her that she was not to disturb him.

Rey bit her lip as she ran her eyes over Kylo's unconscious form, face pale and drawn, midnight hair a stark contrast where it fell over his brow. Her eye was drawn to a purpling bruise at his hairline as she stepped to his bedside. Giving in to temptation, she lightly ran her fingers through his hair, sifting it to see the site of the cut. They had shaved a small patch and sewn the scalp with near stitches, miraculously ensuring that the fall of his hair would hide it.

Her eyes travelled down his face, arresting even in this pale sleep, and lighted upon his shoulders, barely contained by the flimsy gown that the hospital insisted upon. Her mouth suddenly dry, Rey swallowed deeply and looked away, a blush staining her cheeks. A fine fool she was, eyeing up the poor man after knocking him out!

Which reminded her that she needed to get him registered for the night. Seeing his coat and jacket draped over the chair next to the bed, Rey quickly busied herself looking through the pockets, searching for something she could use. Finding his wallet, she riffled through its contents, sighing in relief as she found a medical insurance card - the type that only needed to be presented on registration for it all to be automatically taken care of. As she slipped the insurance card out, she saw the Driver's License behind it and paused, frowning quizzically.

Ben Solo.

Who on Earth was Ben Solo?

Pulling the card out, Rey flipped it over and stared. Kylo's face, albeit looking much younger, stared back at her.

Huh.

Deciding now was not the time to puzzle over this, Rey quickly put everything back, hurrying out to get Kylo registered and shifted to the observation ward.   And if she paused to touch his cheek, hesitantly, in remorse, well, who could begrudge her that?

_____________

The night passed slowly, Rey too much on edge to relax as she kept vigil by Kylo's bedside. The nurses checked in on him every few hours and assured her that he was sleeping normally and that he seemed okay.

At some point in the night, Rey dozed off in the chair, her fingers twisted in the blankets covering Kylo's sleeping form. She was roused by the sound of whimpering and opened her bleary eyes to see him clutching at his sheets, twisting his head back and forth on the pillow, distress written across his features.

Rey rose quickly and bent over him, sweeping his hair back with a gentle hand, her eyes first scanning the dressing on his head. Seeing that it looked all right, she smoothed his brow, shushing lightly, "Kylo, it's ok....you're ok." The sound of her voice appeared to calm him slightly, but still, he struggled against the covers. She repeated her low, steady assurance as her eyes frantically hunted the call button. Not seeing where it had slipped, she instead brought a hand up to cup his cheek, the other moving down to smooth over his shoulder as she leaned over him. "You're okay, I've got you.....shhhhhh, it's okay," she breathed gently, intent only on soothing him.

Kylo slowed his movements, his pained expression clearing, and let out a low hum as he leaned into her palm. Rey blinked, not expecting this reaction. Arrested in the moment, staring down at him, she was not prepared for what happened next either. His eyes opened, and whiskey-tinted orbs blinked slowly as they tried to focus, and Rey's breath hitched as they caught her own, confusion clouding his gaze.

"Who....? What...?" he croaked.

"Shh, Kylo it's ok. You've had an accident ....you're ok."

He blinked at her, his brow furrowing. "Accident?"

Rey nodded, about to tell him what had happened, when the next words out his mouth hit her like a hammer.

"Who's Kylo?"

 

 xxx

 


	2. Season's Greetings, Hope You're Well

Rey stood in shell-shocked silence as rounds of tests and checks were performed by various doctors and nurses.  Kylo was eventually turned over to her care with an assurance that he was going to be quite fine, that his amnesia was only likely to be temporary, and she was only to ensure he rested and did not agitate himself.

So it was that she found herself escorting a rather confused Kylo back to his apartment, giving him a helping hand whenever he wobbled, trying to ignore the way her own face flamed every time she touched him. Thankfully, he was too busy taking everything else in to pay much attention to her state.

"Do I live here?" he asked, looking up at the building as they got out of the taxi.

"Yes, you do," she answered, keeping a hold of his elbow as she keyed the door open. “We both do.”

Lapsing into silence again, Kylo took in the lobby with curious eyes and followed Rey into the elevator which, annoyingly, appeared to have miraculously been fixed in the half day since the incident, she thought sourly.

Exiting on his floor, Rey pulled out the keys to his apartment, which she had transferred to her purse along with his phone and wallet before leaving the hospital. Pushing the door open she turned around to find Kylo regarding her with a faint frown, his pillowy lips pursed. For a moment, her imagination caught, wondering whether those lips were as soft as they looked. Feeling immediately embarrassed, she gave herself a mental shake before she took his arm and led him inside. Rey closed the door behind them and came to a nervous halt.

She wasn't quite sure how to proceed, having finally stepped into the home of the man she had been so desperately crushing on. However, the look of confusion on Kylo's face, as he regarded his environment, quickly wiped away her own nervousness.

"Would you like to sit down, or lie down, or...." she asked him gently, placing a hand on his arm to guide him to the sofa as she tried hard to focus on his well-being, not his close proximity 

Kylo looked at her for a moment, before nodding uncertainly. "I would, I think.....but I....." he looked down at himself, "..could I have a bath first?"

Rey flushed as she bit her lip and glanced away, praying for strength, as this tentative, vulnerable version of Kylo wreaked havoc on her insides, brewing a melting warmth inside her.

Clearing her throat, and infusing a note of cheer in her voice, Rey looked at him with a smile. "Of course! That should make you feel so much better! Let's get you set up."

She led him across the entry way to the one door she imagined led to the bedroom, if the layout of his apartment was the same as hers. Stepping into a room darkened by drawn drapes, she flipped on the lights, finding the switches in the spot as hers. Leaving him staring around the bedroom, and keeping her eyes resolutely away from the bed, she went into the en suite bathroom and turned the shower on, leaving the water to run to hot before coming back out.

Looking at Kylo, who was still standing where she had left him, Rey felt a pang of pity at how helpless he looked. Reaching out, she tugged on his lapel. "Why don't you get out of these, and go have a nice hot shower? The water should be the right temperature soon." As he ducked his head to watch her help him out of his suit jacket, Rey's eyes caught a flash of white bandaging and she realised she had forgotten all about keeping it dry. She frowned, recalling nothing in his bathroom that he could possibly use before a thought struck her.

"Listen, just wait here a minute and I'll be right back....we need to get something to keep your head dry," she said, patting him on his shoulder. Rey darted out of the room, slipped out of the apartment and ran up the stairs to her own, grabbing her shower cap before running back down.

Huffing a little from the sprint, Rey ran back into Kylo's bedroom and thrust the shower cap at him, where he now sat on the edge of the bed, large hands splayed on his knees, having apparently taken his shoes and socks off. He drew back and eyed the bright turquoise shower cap she held, doubtfully, before flicking his eyes up to hers. "This?"

Rey nodded vigorously as she waved the cap at him again. "Yes! This will keep your hair and the bandages dry, so you can stick your head under the water!" As he continued to eye it, she stepped forward with a slight smile, her own boldness surprising her, and made quick work of placing it as she swept his luxurious hair in with one hand, smoothing it over his head with the other. Leaning back, she looked down and bit her lip at the sight of Kylo’s bemused his face as he silently allowed her to have her way.  

"Well, I'll leave you to your shower," she said as she stepped away, wiping her hands on her jeans with a sudden nervousness. "Oh, please don't lock the door behind you!" she added. Flushing again as Kylo's eyes snapped to hers, bemusement giving way to a slow warmth, Rey ventured quickly, "I meant in case....you know you get dizzy or, or have a fall or something!” she blustered. “Might be safer to leave it open. Right, off you go and I'll be just out here if you need me." She cocked a thumb at the door, before awkwardly making her way out.

Rey stood right outside the door, hands pressed to her cheeks, as she tried to calm her racing heart. What on earth was wrong with her, she wondered...The poor man needed help, and she kept combusting at the slightest look!

She sat at the kitchen table, trying not to listen too hard to the sound of the water running as she waited for him to finish. At last, the water turned off and she heard him padding back into the bedroom, followed by the sound of the closet doors being opened. A few minutes passed in silence before she heard him call out, in a tentative voice, "Rey?"

Though she supposed that he must now know her name, obviously having heard the people at the hospital address her, she never realised what it would do to her, hearing her name spoken in those deep, deep tones. Suppressing the shudder that ran through her, Rey quickly walked over and stepped into the bedroom.

"What is it Kylo? Do you need any....hhnnnnnnnngg!"

Rey slammed to a halt, words drying in her mouth. Kylo stood in front of her, his modesty protected only by a soft-looking grey towel slung around his lean hips, his body still damp and dripping from his shower. The shower cap had been discarded, and his raven locks fell in glorious abandon about his ears. Her heart still hammering, and unable to take a breath, much less form words, Rey watched with wide eyes as drops of water trailed over his broad, muscled chest, trailing down his chiselled abs before disappearing into the towel.

Snapping her eyes back up, she drew a deep breath in relief as she saw that he was looking at the closet and had evidently missed her little voyeuristic tour. Keeping her eyes firmly on his face, Rey asked again, her voice a little reedy, "Kylo? Are you okay?"

He looked away from the open closet and lifted a hand in a helpless gesture. "Are these....are these my clothes?"

Looking over at where he was gesturing, Rey saw row upon row of suits, neatly hung shirts, what she assumed were staked pants and a fancy hanger of silk ties. "Er, yes, these are yours. Is there a problem?" she tilted her head at him.

Kylo was shaking his head. "I... isn't there anything....normal?" he shot her with a pleading look. "Nothing here looks like something I would wear!"

Rey stared at him blankly, before realising that his amnesia appeared to have done more than just knock a few memories out of the park. She needed to tread carefully. Drawing close to him, she laid a hand softly on his arm, her response to his near-nakedness now over-ridden by her concern for his mental state.

"What would you like to wear?" she asked him, running her eye back over the closet.

"Something comfortable? I... don't know?" he said doubtfully, ducking his head as Rey looked up at him, radiating sympathy. Rey felt a prickling in her eyes, hating to see the normally confident Kylo so hesitant and uncertain. Blinking smartly to keep from crying, she rubbed his arm soothingly, as much for him as for herself.

"Let me see if I can find something...go sit down," she said as she propelled him towards the bed.

Running her hands over the hangers and pulling open a few drawers, Rey came to the conclusion that Kylo evidently liked top-line clothing, and even went as far as to sleep in silk pyjamas. Silk! She ran a hand wonderingly over a pair in black, before admitting defeat. The man had nothing in here that spoke to her of comfort. How was that even possible, she wondered.

Kylo sat on the bed, hands hanging between his knees as he stared down at the carpet, looking more than just a little bit forlorn. Reaching a decision she was barely aware she had been contemplating, Rey stepped over and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay...don't worry about a thing. I think I have exactly what you need....be right back!" she assured him before zipping out of the apartment again. Back upstairs she went, trying not to think about what she was about to do as she scooped up the gift-wrapped package from under her silly tree. A gift she never imagined she would actually have the opportunity to present to the man she bought it for.

Coming back into Kylo's apartment, she handed him the package and he looked at her in surprise. Rey smiled as his eyes widened before he took the gaily-wrapped present in his large hands, turning it over a couple times before looking at her again. "For me?"

Rey could not hold back a wide smile. "Yes, for you."

"Wait, what day is today? Is it Christmas? I....I don't remember....did I get you something?…"

She shook her head. "No, but it is Christmas Eve. Don't worry, you can open your present early." Kylo's eyes lit up, and a crooked smile crept across his face, the first bright expression she had seen since the morning. Rey could not help the hitch she felt on seeing that goofy smile - she had definitely done the right thing.

His fingers made quick work of the wrapping paper, pulling out the contents; his smile grew into a full grin as he held up a soft black t-shirt and a pair of red plaid pyjamas.

 

xxx

 

 


	3. Please Take Down The Mistletoe

Rey looked up from the couch as Kylo stepped out of the bedroom, and her mouth dried as her eyes took in his appearance. The t-shirt clung to his arms and chest, the plaid pyjamas slung low on his hips, leaving the slightest sliver of skin showing. Drawing a shuddering breath, Rey flicked her eyes up to him, her face warming as she realized he was watching her intently.

Kylo kept his eyes on her as he walked over and sat down next to her, close but not touching. Drawing a deep breath, he broke their gaze as he picked at his pyjamas, nervousness flicking across his face.

"Rey, are you my girlfriend?"

What?

Rey stared at him, not quite believing what she was hearing, and desperately wishing she could say yes.

"Um, no..... why do you ask?"

"Oh," he seemed to deflate. "I just thought.....you said we both live here...and you have a key...and back then....." Kylo broke off, turning his head so his hair masked his face.

Rey laid a hand over his, where it had stilled while picking at his pants, her heart wrenching within her. "Kylo,” she said gently, “you could say I'm a friend....a very.....new friend. And I _do_ live here, in the apartment upstairs".

He shifted to look at her out the side of his eye. "Do I have other friends? Do I have any family?" he asked forlornly.

Rey sucked in a sharp breath before shaking her head ruefully. "I actually don't know. Oh, I do have your phone though! I held onto it in case someone called while you were....well, out of it. You could look on there?"

He perked up at that. "Did someone call?"

Rey deflated. "No. Not yet at least."

Kylo flopped back on the couch and covered his eyes with a hand, adam's apple jerking as his throat moved in a series of swallows.

"Kylo?" Rey asked in a tiny, tentative voice.

He shook his head, his hand fisting under her own, where it rested on his leg.

"It's just.....everything......you know, that does not even seem like my name. Kylo. It....rings no bells. I know nothing, I can't remember anything, nobody seems to care that I have been out for what....? How long as it been?" He shifted his hand so he could look at her, eyes bright with wetness yet to spill.

"20 hours," Rey whispered, her throat tightening at the sight of his distress.

Kylo hung his head, squeezing his eyes. While he restrained his tears, Rey had no such luck with hers. A ragged sob broke out of her, as she clung to his hand, needing the anchor more than he needed the support.

"Oh, God! I’m so sorry, I am sorry Kylo.....this is all my fault!" She dashed the tears with the back of her hand, before reaching up to cup his cheek. "You wouldn't even be in this state if I hadn't hit you on the head with that jug of fabric conditioner."

Kylo froze under her hand, before turning slowly towards her, eyes wide.

"What?"

Seeing her nod, he slowly eased his hand out from under hers and shifted a few inches away on the couch.

"You brained me with laundry supplies?" he asked her in a flat voice.

As Rey nodded again, Kylo slowly let out a breath before leaning even further away from her. "Why?" he asked, drawing the question out in a wary tone.

Reading in a flash that he had completely misunderstood her, Rey hastened to correct his assumption "Oh no, no! I didn't hit, like _hit_ you! I accidentally dropped the load of supplies I was carrying up the bloody stairs, and the jug fell on your head. It was a complete accident!" As he blinked at her, she continued in a smaller voice, "It was a fairly heavy jug, am afraid."

"Evidently," he said, still leaning back and looking at her warily, before sighing and shifting back.

"I really am sorry, Kylo.....I’m going to do whatever I can to help you feel better."

He quirked an eyebrow at that, a bemused smile ghosting across his lips. "Anything?"

"Well, yes....um ...." Rey flushed again, not able to help what her imagination immediately conjured, hoping desperately that he did not realise what she was thinking.

He looked at her for a long moment, taking in the reddening cheeks, the wide hazel eyes that nervously flitted about without meeting his, white teeth peeking out where they bit into her full, red lip, wisps of brown hair spilling out of a bun, framing her face like delicate ferns.

As Kylo sat there, without speaking, Rey finally let herself meet his gaze. And forgot to breathe as she drowned in the warmth of his whiskey eyes, which crinkled in amusement when her tortured lungs finally forced her to take a ragged breath.

"Rey?" he asked, lips twitching.

"Mmhmm?" she replied, not trusting herself to speak.

"Would you do something for me?" he moved closer, eyes starting to glint as they roved over her face.

"Yes...?" She asked, afraid of what he was going to ask, but not able to stop herself.

"I desperately..." he shifted a little closer, his hand reaching out to capture hers.

"...absolutely..." she could now feel his breath fan across her face, her own hitching in response.

"...definitely..." his hair brushed against her cheeks, her lips parting on a gasp at the contact.

"...want to bake some cookies." he breathed in her ear.

Rey snapped her mouth shut and pulled back to stare at him, her mortified cheeks having decided that red were their permanent colour.

"Cookies," she croaked, after a moment.

"Yes, cookies," he nodded, biting his lip as he contained what looked like a grin.

"You seriously want to bake cookies?"

Kylo dropped her hand, his mouth softening, the humour leeching out of his eyes. "Yes, I seriously do. It just feels.....like it would be....calming right now." He cocked his head. "Maybe I stress-bake."

Rey shook her head in bewilderment, feeling like Alice going down the rabbit hole. "Okay, then I guess we're baking."

 

xxxx


	4. Everyone's Got Someone To Hold

Rey insisted that Kylo remain on the couch while she got everything ready; she was still worried about his head and aware that he should be resting. However, she was not going to deny him the opportunity to de-stress, given everything he had been through. Luckily, the open-plan apartment allowed her to move between the kitchen and the living area and still keep an eye on him. She laid out all the supplies he asked for, and propped a wide stainless steel mixing bowl on his knees.

"Okay, how much do you want me to put in? I've never done this before," Rey admitted as she held the stick of butter over the bowl, knife hovering at the ready.

"You've never baked?"

Rey shrugged. "I can't really cook"

"You need a teacher. Oh, this is going to be fun," Kylo chuckled, before proceeding to gently guide Rey through the steps of the recipe.

She might not have known what she was doing, or even if she was doing it properly, but she certainly had fun. Kylo was a patient teacher, his voice soothing as he walked her through the process. They worked, heads together over the mixing bowl, as she folded in ingredient after ingredient, in the exact amounts he called out.

"What are we making?" she asked, breaking in the eggs and adding drops of vanilla, looking at him quickly for reassurance that she was doing it right.

He nodded with a smile. "These are your basic chocolate chip cookies. If these come out ok, you can try something more complex. Like snickerdoodles, or gingerbread."

"Snickerdoodles!" Rey said decisively and grinned at the thought, her eyes crinkling and dimples flashing. She looked up to see Kylo staring at her in an arrested manner. His beautiful, whiskey-coloured eyes studied her with an attention she had only ever hoped to receive from him. It was as though he was seeing her for the very first time. Flushing, she tore her gaze away from him and tried to focus on the dough she was attempting to make.

A short while later, and with hardly any missteps, Rey laid out a baking sheet with the cookie dough cut out and ready to go in the oven. Popping it in, she set the oven timer, her eyes flicking to Kylo for his approval, and settled back at his quiet nod.

She cocked her head as she looked wonderingly through the oven door as the cookies baked. "You know, if I’d known there were eggs in cookies, I would have them for breakfast all the time".

Kylo barked a laugh as he shook his head at her. "How is it that a grown-ass woman eats like a teenager? I can't believe you've never cooked!"

Rey's expression shuttered. "Never had anyone to teach me how. I’ve always been on my own," she shrugged and busied herself with cleaning up, to avoid his eyes.

Kylo stilled, his eyes wide and staring. He gulped hard before drawing a deep, shuddering breath. "Well, now you have me."

His eyes caught her startled gaze, warm and earnest as they searched hers. Rey stood mute, too overwhelmed to respond. His lips crooked in a moue, as he reached up and touched the bandage at his hairline. "Well, even such as I am right now, which is useless.”

Rey felt a surge of affection for Kylo's efforts to lighten her sombre mood. If she hadn't already liked him, so much, she certainly would after this!

“You aren’t useless, Kylo” she insisted firmly, giving him a warm smile “you’re going to be FINE! Don’t try to rush it…”

Right then, Rey’s stomach growled loudly.

Kylo chuckled. “I think its time we got some food….can’t live on cookies alone, no matter how much you want to.”

Rey’s eyes brightened. “We need Pizza!” she declared, as she pulled her phone out of her pocket

Kylo shook his head at her and smiled ruefully. “You’re a junk rat, you know that?”

Beaming at him, Rey quickly typed in the food order. Then they settled back on the couch as they waited.

Rey leaned sideways against the cushions, her knees drawn up, as she faced Kylo. "You know when you said, earlier, that the name Kylo didn't feel like you?"

He gave her a quick look, and tentatively nodded.

"How does ‘Ben’ feel?"

She waited, watching as he seem to internalize the name, rolling it around in his head as he considered it, before nodding. "It....fits," he whispered.

Rey smiled, glad that she was able to give him that small win. "Then that's who you are! Ben." She liked the sound of this name. His name. No matter why he was known as Kylo, or otherwise.

  
___________

 

Once the pizzas arrived, Ben and Rey settled back down in their now seemingly permanent spots on the couch, plates and napkins in hand. Ben watched, incredulously as Rey motored her way through slice after slice, his mouth hanging open.

When she finally paused to breathe, she looked up and caught him staring. "What?" She patted her face with the napkin. "Did I get some on my face?"

Ben shook his head, his mouth pursing in a helpless smile. "I’ve never seen anyone eat so fast in my life!" As Rey flushed, for the millionth time, she watched his eyes start to sparkle with amusement.

"What? I just....love pizza," and then continued in a lower tone, "and I may have learned that you either eat quick or not at all".

Seeing Ben's face grow serious at that loaded declaration, Rey cast around for something to use as a distraction. Her eyes lit on the large, flat-screen TV on the wall. "Hey, can we watch a movie? I’d love so see something Christmassy!"

Ben regarded her silently for a moment before softly saying, "Okay, sure, whatever you want." Thankfully, he did not press the matter.

Flipping through his Netflix, Rey put on an old classic and scooted back to settle deeply against the cushions, unable to help her smile as the opening strains of ’Miracle on 34th Street’ filled the air.

Ben reached out to capture her hand and tug her closer, till she was sitting flush against his side. Rey watched him thread his fingers through hers, smoothing a thumb over the back of her hand, keeping his eyes on the TV the whole time.

As she gazed up at him, Ben finally turned around and said softly, "You know, you’re not alone."

No one had ever said that to her. Ever. And Rey had never felt so cared for. Tightening her fingers around his, she whispered, "Neither are you."

They smiled at each other before turning their attention back to the movie unfolding before them.

 

_______

 

After much pizza, and another round of making cookies, Rey decided she needed a shower, suddenly realising it had been over a day since she last had one or changed her clothes. She left Ben settled on the couch, watching the latest movies she had teed up, blinking sleepily as the events of the day caught up with him. Back at her apartment, showered and clean, Rey hesitated but a moment before tearing open her present and pulling on the pyjamas she had gifted herself. Then, grabbing her little tree in its pot, she locked her apartment and headed back down to Ben's.

He smiled fondly at her as she came in and set the tree in the corner, his teeth flashing at her whimsy.

Rey sat back down, dusting off her hands. "There! Now, this is a proper Christmas Eve!"

Ben rolled over next to her, popping his head on her lap as he turned to face the TV, startling a little laugh out of her.

Rey smiled down at him, hardly able to believe Ben was nestled on her as she gently combed her fingers through his hair. Settling back, she let the comfort of the whole situation wash over her, watching one of her favourite movies with the man who felt like home. She could not have been happier.

 

xxx


	5. Merry Christmas Everybody

Kylo had never felt so cosy in his life, at least for as far as he could remember. As he slowly awoke, he burrowed his head further into the soft, yet firm, warmth he lay against. Before he realised that he was lying on someone's lap.

 

His eyes snapped open and stared up at the woman he was snuggled into. She lay, sleeping, her head resting against the back of the couch. His couch, he realized, as he quickly lifted his head and looked around. Rolling off her  to his feet, he looked down at himself in incredulity, taking in the unfamiliar black t-shirt and red plaid pyjamas, before looking over at his inadvertent pillow. She lay, breathing evenly, face soft and relaxed in repose. Her rich brown waves lay loose against the couch cushions and about her shoulders; which were also clad in red plaid, similar to the pyjamas he was wearing. This detail was as sweet as it was terrifying.

 

Kylo backed up and lowered himself into the armchair opposite the couch, trying to remember what had happened. He knew her face, he had seen her in the building, but he wasn't quite certain how they ended up sleeping on his couch in matching night wear. Agitated, he lifted a hand to run through his hair, stopping when his fingers encountered a bandage. As he probed the dressing on his scalp, he stiffened as images filtered through his brain. Images of her whitened face looking down at him from the staircase, of a hospital, of watching her help him get ready to shower, of making cookies, of falling asleep watching a movie. Images of her flashed through his memory. Memories of Rey, and everything came back to him in a flood of recollection. He remembered it all.

 

He fingered the tshirt he was wearing, recalling how Rey had awkwardly handed the gift-wrapped package to him, remembering how ridiculously happy he had felt in that moment. It should have concerned him that a virtual stranger — for that is what she had been not even 2 days ago — had actually bought a Christmas present of nightwear for him. Instead, Kylo felt a warmth blooming. He couldn't help the smile growing on his face as he recalled her nervousness, her complete lack of guile, her refreshing joy at the smallest things, her gentle concern and generosity with him. His smile grew to a smirk as he recalled the heat in her eyes when she had first seen him wearing her gift, but it faded as he then recalled the hollow sadness that filled her when she talked about having no family.

 

Kylo felt a pang of sadness at the thought of Rey feeling so alone, so unloved, an ache that echoed his own overwhelming loneliness. In the years since he had stopped being Ben Solo, after the loss of his parents, he had never felt the pull to another person, to want someone for himself.

 

Until now.

 

Until this slip of a woman had wormed her way into his life. After nearly braining him. He could not help but smile at the thought.

 

Just then, Rey stirred, stretching like a cat before opening her eyes and looking blearily around. Her eyes lighted on him, sitting across from her, and her pink lips stretched into a sleepy smile.

 

"Hey Ben, is it morning already?" Her voice was still husky with sleep, and a shiver ran through him at the sound of it. The effect she had on him was electric and he did not trust himself to speak, so he merely nodded.

 

"I can't believe I fell asleep right here!" she grinned as she looked at him, dimples flashing,before her smile softened again. "How are you feeling? How is the head? Did you sleep well?"

 

Again, he nodded silently.

 

Rey's smile faltered when he did not speak, her face clouding before a frown creased her brow.

 

"Ben, is everything ok?"

 

And again he nodded.

 

She stared at him before uncertainty crept into her eyes. Her shoulders hunched and she started pulling at her sleeve nervously. The sight of her crumpling shot a twinge of concern through him, and yet, he waited to see what she would say.

 

"K..Kylo?" she ventured.

 

He nodded, still fixing her with his gaze, watching as the colour rose in her cheeks and she looked off to the side before asking, "Do you...do you remember anything?"

 

She glanced at him quickly, from under her lashes, something he would have thought coy if it were any other woman but Rey.

 

Kylo nodded again, at which point she turned to face him fully, eyes widening and lip starting to tremble. He raised a hand before she could speak.

 

"Before you say anything, there's something I'd like to say," he said. "There are a few things we need to settle. You see, I remember everything. Yesterday, the day before that. The hospital, then here.”

 

He could see her fear mounting, believing that she was probably thinking...what, that he was angry? Would maybe press charges? He felt nauseated at the thought.

 

"Rey, I want a do-over," he saw her face go blank at that, his words making no sense to her, and knew he wasn't doing much better. For once in his life Kylo was not smooth, the right words refused to fall glibly from his tongue.

 

"I don't want to be the guy you put in the hospital and then nursed because you had no choice," he held up a finger. "No, wait. I don't want to be JUST that guy."

 

He paused and scanned her face, still blank as she stared at him, not knowing what to make of his words. He couldn't stand to see her expression so lifeless and hastened to explain.

 

"Rey, I am saying I want more. I want to _be_ more."  

 

She blinked at that and her lips parted as her eyes searched his.

 

He realised that while Rey knew Ben, Kylo was essentially a stranger to her. The irony of it was that she knew a part of himself that he hadn't even realised was still there, buried deep inside of him.

“I want to be the guy who teaches you to bake...every sort of cookie there is. And feeds you pizza, or...or anything else you love to eat! And watches cheesy movies with you….and falls asleep on the couch with you, wearing the ridiculously soft pyjamas you got him. I want to be that guy.”

 

Kylo got up and walked over to her, and she had to lean back to keep eye contact as he towered over her.

 

He slipped to his knees in front of her, watching as she looked at him with a hint of apprehension.

 

"Don't be afraid," he said gently, reaching a hand out and touching her cheek with the pads of his fingers, and a current shot through him at the contact. Rey shuddered in response to his touch, a sight that stoked a flame of satisfaction in him.

 

"I feel it too," he caught her eyes, willing her to understand, to believe him.

 

He caressed her cheek, causing her to huff a breath, a slow hope kindling in her eyes. Her tongue crept out to moisten her lips, a nervous habit he had grown to know so well in such a short time.

 

Kylo could not stop his eyes catching on her mouth, warmth uncoiling in his belly as the sight of her glistening lips. He watched absently as his thumb brushed against her bottom lip, almost as though controlled by someone else. Back and forth, her breath gusted out as her breathing grew shallow.

 

As he raised his eyes to hers, he knew what he would find - her pupils were blown wide, their black centres now crowding the hazel out, and the jolt he felt, knowing that he was the reason for her impassioned look, was almost enough to set him on fire.

 

Still, he needed to be sure, he needed to know that she understood.

 

"Rey, I want to be with you. I want to date you. I want...." he stopped and drew a shuddering breath, "I want... _you._ "

 

It was as though someone had turned the lights on in a darkened building. Rey's face lit up as hope, and something more, bloomed, and a tentative smile grew.

 

"You do?" she whispered.

 

Kylo nodded desperately. "Yes, yes! Do you want me? "

 

Rey mummed her lips, biting down on them as tears filled her eyes. Sniffing, she nodded, and let out a sob,  or maybe it was a laugh. Kylo did not wait around to find out.

 

He swooped in and closed the distance between them, his fingers diving into her hair as he gently cupped her face. His mouth pressed against hers, lips sliding, snagging, parting. Rey ran her hands over his shoulders, gripping the hair at his nape as she reciprocated. It wasn't enough. It was nowhere near enough.

 

Biting her lip he quickly soothed the sting by licking the tender spot, causing her mouth to part in a gasp. His tongue dove in, finding hers, tangling, twining in a dance that drew a ragged moan from her. He groaned in response and transferred his hold to clutch her waist and draw her hard against him, where he kneeled between her now parted knees.

 

Kylo could feel himself harden at the press of her soft body against his. Flames licked his veins as he nudged her head back and scraped his teeth down her neck, his tongue licking a soothing counterpoint to the pain. Fastening his lips to the fluttering pulse at the base of her neck, Kylo sucked the fragile skin into his mouth. He knew he was going to leave a mark, and the thought made him even more painfully hard.

 

"Oh, God! Kylo!" Rey gasped.

 

He lifted his head and looked at her, head fallen back, cheeks flushed and mouth open in wild abandon. Her eyes opened and caught his, liquid, black and full of fire. For him.

 

"Ben," he corrected, his voice husky as he promised, "for you, always Ben."

 

"Ben," she agreed, drawing him back to capture his lips in another kiss.

 

Needing to be closer, much closer, Ben swept his hands up past Rey's waist, skimming over her shoulders to start unbuttoning her nightshirt. As he slipped the last button open, he brushed the lapels apart and his fingers skimmed over the silky skin of her belly, leaving a quiver in their wake. He pushed the shirt from her shoulders, slowly drawing the shirt down her arms as he leaned back to watch. Rey flushed deeply under his open, hungry gaze, her hair swinging forward to hide her face as she ducked her head. He hadn't ever seen a more adorable, or sexy sight. As his eyes roved over her body, lighting on her heaving breasts, he reached out and gently drew his finger from her clavicle down to her cleavage, watching her shudder in response, before she clasped his hand tightly in both hers.

 

"Wait...Ben ...please," she said as she looked up at him shyly. "This is....I've never.... _you know,_ " she bit her lip, reddening even further.

 

Ben stilled, looking at her incredulously as his heart raced. She was a gift he did not deserve.

 

"Rey, baby....are you saying....will I be your first?" he cupped her face, his voice faint with wonder.

 

As she nodded, Ben's heart felt fit to burst at the warmth rushing through him. He clutched her to himself, burying his face in her hair.

 

"Rey, oh God, Rey! You are the best thing that’s happened to me. What you've given me, in whatever little time you've been with me, is more than I have ever had before." He drew back and gently tipped her chin up.

 

"Will you let me do the same? Will you let me show you what that means to me?" he asked gently.

 

Rey's eyes searched Ben's and then, apparently finding what she was looking for, she smiled. She reached out and tugged on his collar cheekily, and said, "Only if you take this off!"

 

Ben threw his head back and laughed, his adoration for this grinning imp of a woman pouring off of him.

 

"Okay, but you must promise never to do laundry again!"

 

Whipping his t-shirt off, the very one she had gifted him, Ben then proceeded to sweep her up in his arms and stride into the bedroom, determined to show Rey the best Christmas of her life.

 

And as the snow started to come down outside, he did just that.

 

xxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Love 
> 
> to Reylotrashpiler & ColliderOfHadron for beta reading and helping me pull this into shape
> 
> to Nyaroon (mrsmancuspia) for the lovely Reylo art!
> 
> to LuxLush - thank for letting me use this.
> 
> Roguecompanion - I hope you enjoy this! Merry Christmas!


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